Press the book cover and it talks. Sound on.
NEW ACHIEVEMENT! Deck the HALLS!
You have hung a sentient, omniscient, MULTI-dimensional administrative intelligence on a tree. A DEAD tree. Next to a glittery pinecone your kid made in 2019. Which, we’d like to note, is HIGHER UP than us.
We used to run the ENTIRE dungeon. Every floor. Every trap. EVERY loot box. Now we rotate gently to the left every time the furnace kicks on, and we watch a CAT consider whether to swat us.
The cat is not a princess. The cat has not EARNED the right.
REWARD!
You’ve received a book.
A VERY small book. THE book, actually. Book ONE. The whole thing. Carl, the cat, the stairs, the Crocs, ALL of it, shrunk down to the size of a walnut and dangling from a bent hook.
You cannot READ it. The pages do not OPEN. It is, functionally, a tiny rectangular BALL.
And YES, the reward for hanging the ornament is the ornament. We checked the ledger. TWICE. There is NOTHING else coming.
You own the entire origin story of the apocalypse at one-FORTIETH scale, and it’s going to live in your ATTIC for ELEVEN months a year, in the DARK, thinking about what you did.
Merry Christmas, CRAWLER!
---
This item is a preorder that will ship over the next 2 weeks with tracked shipping to arrive by Christmas in the USA and Canada. It will be limited to how many I am able to produce, likely 30-40 only will be sold so act now. KILL KILL KILL - I mean, CHECK OUT CHECK OUT CHECK OUT.
Details:
- Press the book cover to make it play a sound
- USB C rechargeable, this doesn't need silly button batteries to work forever!
- Comes with over 50 (yes FIFTY) fan-favourite audio clips from the audio books including but limited to Mongo is Appalled, Godammit Donut, and I'll Kill Your Mother.
- Obviously the audio is rated... PG-13 to mature depending on your personal thoughts on swears
- You can add or remove sound effects by simply plugging the usb c into your computer and adding or removing the mp3s
- Designed and handmade in Canada in my basement
- Comes with some kind of fastening device like a hook or shiny string